today was my birthday. it was not a milestone. it didn't even have me excited at any point. and i suppose, at some point, birthdays just really become another day. i guess i just have not experienced one as bad as today and was not ready for it.

i always celebrate my birthday with my parents as their birthdays are within days of mine. however, since my father's passing in 2007, celebrating my birthday has become bittersweet.

this year it was just bitter. there is just too much going on in my life. it's a big bowl of water, vinegar and oil. there is a blend there, but too many aspects aren't mixing well and may not be there in the right proportions. the result is a special day that i wish was far behind me and that i never relive a day like it again.

i hate posts like this. i hate that i typed it and have thought about discarding it altogether several times. the fact is i did take the time to voice something that people need to read.

i hope i have never made someone feel this miserable on their special day and i hope not to repeat this awful feeling myself next year.

happy birthday to me.